Ex- English captain Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet confront the full consequences of the muscle-degenerating condition that took the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was involved in the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and secured several English and European titles with Leicester, gave an interview to BBC Breakfast 14 days after finding out he has the illness.
"There's an element of facing the future and hesitating to fully comprehend that at the present time," he said.
"It's not that I am unaware of where it's going. We understand that. But there is definitely a reluctance to confront the future for now."
Moody, speaking alongside his wife Annie, explains conversely he feels "peaceful" as he concentrates on his present health, his family and getting ready for when the condition progresses.
"Perhaps that's trauma or perhaps I handle situations in another way, and after I have the information, it's more manageable," he added.
Early Signs
Moody learned he had MND after noticing some weakness in his upper arm while working out in the gym.
After rehabilitation didn't help the condition, a set of scans revealed nerves in his brain and spinal cord had been damaged by MND.
"You're given this condition identification of MND and we're understandably extremely affected about it, but it's quite odd because I think I'm perfectly healthy," he remarked.
"I don't feel ill. I don't feel sick
"The signs I have are very minor. I have a small amount of muscle deterioration in the hand area and the shoulder.
"I continue to be able to doing all activities. And optimistically that will carry on for as long as is attainable."
Disease Advancement
MND can develop quickly.
Based on the charity MND Association, the disease kills a third of people within a year and more than half within 730 days of identification, as eating and inhalation become increasingly challenging.
Medical care can only retard deterioration.
"It isn't ever me that I am upset for," stated an affected Moody.
"There's sadness around having to tell my mum - as an single child - and the ramifications that has for her."
Family Impact
Talking from the family home with his wife and their canine companion by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by emotion when he spoke about telling his sons - 17-year-old Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the heartbreaking news, saying: "This was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two excellent boys and that was rather devastating," Moody remarked.
"We sat on the settee in crying, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog jumped over and commenced removing the tears off our faces, which was rather silly."
Moody stated the focus was remaining in the now.
"There exists no treatment and that is why you have to be extremely strongly concentrated on just accepting and savoring each moment now," he stated.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been really fortunate that the primary determination I made when I retired from playing was to allocate as much time with the kids as possible. We don't get those periods back."
Sportsman Link
Elite athletes are disproportionately impacted by MND, with research suggesting the incidence of the disease is up to sixfold greater than in the wider community.
It is believed that by limiting the O2 available and producing injury to neural pathways, consistent, strenuous training can activate the disease in those inherently vulnerable.
Sports Professional Life
Moody, who earned 71 England caps and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was called 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in honour of his fearless, relentless method to the game.
He competed through a fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once initiated a practice confrontation with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he discarded a tackle pad and started engaging in physical contacts.
After entering as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the rear of the throw-in in the critical passage of play, setting a base for scrum-half Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to score the victory-securing drop kick.
Assistance Network
Moody has already told Johnson, who led England to that championship, and a couple of other former team-mates about his condition, but the rest will be learning his news with the broader public.
"We'll have a moment when we'll need to rely on their assistance but, at the moment, just having that type of love and acceptance that people are present is all that matters," he said.
"Rugby is such a excellent family.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even when it ended now, I've appreciated all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with unbelievable people.
"Being able to consider your passion your vocation, it's one of the most significant privileges.
"To have done it for so long a time with the teams that I did it with was a joy. And I know they will wish to support in any way they can and I look forward to having those discussions."
